Author: Tea Time Press

I am not going to whinge and whine in 2023 but…

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At some point in your life you have to take a long hard look at yourself. That point for me is now. I am sorry if I am not making any sense but I am too busy trying to be so many different things that I am not being the one thing that I most need to be… ME.

No surprise there, I know that I am not the only one. I would ask you to leave a comment down below if you can feel me, if you get what I am saying, if you know where I am coming from but the truth is that if you know any of those things then you won’t leave a comment. You may nod your head knowingly but you will then scroll along with your life.

I get it. I can’t touch you. I don’t touch you because I don’t even touch myself. (I don’t mean in the biblical sense) I mean touch my heart, smell the air, the flowers, sniff the salt of the sea, none of it. I barely have time these days to walk my poor old dog, never mind spend any quality time with those around me, not even me.

As I do every year I set out to improve myself. Last year I did. I created a new business, I worked at a wages job earning a regular income while I stayed up late at night working on what I call our future finances. Last year I wrote a new book during NaNoWriMo, I published a new book and some other stuff..

I didn’t start eating properly, exercising regular, sticking to a regular yoga practise, using my aromatherapy oils daily, my crystals or my tarot and do not even get me started on my much attention I didn’t give at all to Reiki! Fuck all of that shit I am too busy!!! I have to make plans, work schedules, family schedules, cook and clean the house, care for the dogs, go to work, pay the bills, create, create, create. I have to prove myself, be the best at my game. I have to know everything. I have to read blogs, books, listen to podcasts and more books, take courses and watch everything. I am fifty two and I have fallen behind.

I don’t have time for counting calories, carbs, nutrients, exercises and reps, I no longer namaste, my soul does not soar, my feet are not grounded, I don’t feel supported my mother earth and father sky has long left the building. I cannot remember the last time I went to bed at the same time as my husband, well a time that we went to bed together when I wasn’t so tired that my lights were out the second my head hit the pillow.

Honestly I cannot think about my relationships with others right now. I don’t have the energy to heal the rifts that have come between me and those around me for no other reason other than my constant state of busyness. I have to give to me now. My cup, my bucket, myself is empty.

Don’t get me started on menopause, my older aunt is here now with a vengeance and sometimes I just want everyone to shut the fuck up.

My blog, in case you forgot the title, is Body Peace Writer. It is what I once strived to achieve. Before I was in a car accident, before my heart was broken and before the pandemic. I wanted to merge my life as an alternate therapist, yoga teacher and writer. I wanted to live one big happy namaste, eight limbed, rakeed up, crystal cleansing, essential oil lathered writer.

I was so sure that 2022 was going to be my year. You know to get my shit together. But I developed a hip issue, it has a fancy ‘itis’ word attached to it but I am pretty sure it is because I am overweight and sit on arse all day. I am a writer. What else am I going to do when I am not at my day job? I sit and snack while I work to keep myself awake. Then when it is finally time to sleep, I can’t. I take a pill, then it is hard to wake up- you know the cycle if you have read this far.

Currently I am on – hormone replacement therapy, anti-inflammatory, norgesics; analgesics; antihistamines; metformin and anti anxiety meds. Most of which started after the car accident. Most of which I suspect I wouldn’t need if I lived my true existence.

There is no perfect scenario where I am going to fix myself. I can’t runaway to a health farm or retreat in a cave in the mountains of Nepal. I have a life to live here, I have responsibilities here and work to get done away from my wages job. I have to find a way of integrating all that I want with all that I can do. There are only so many hours in a day and I have to use some of them for being a better friend to me.

Of course you and I both know that I would have never started writing this post if I had not already started on a plan. I have to squeeze some good shit into my everyday. I have found a healer, yoga teacher, mentor. I have had two sessions with her and a couple of weeks dotted with some decent crying times. The first week she sent me home with crystals, the next aromatherapy blends all designed to heal my heart and send the negativity away. Next week she is giving me an energy healing and I start weekly yoga classes with her on Wednesday. So its a start. It is a push in the right direction. I am not looking to push bad things out of my life, I am aiming to bring more of the good things in. I am searching for a balance I can live with.

I love a chai latte with a bar of white chocolate on the side, perfectly cooked salted potato chips in a buttery roll, chocolate at room temperature and cheese boards, and none of these things will be left behind any time soon.

Namaste beautiful writers, it all starts with the little things. Wish me luck!

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Stepping Into 2022

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It has taken a while for me to get my head into my 2022 goals. I have sat, thought, pondered and journaled about what it is I want to achieve. Recently I have spent my mornings at the beach in Rockingham where we are taking our two dogs for their morning swim. the weather is hot, and our aging shepherd Annie loves to swim. We know we will have to say goodbye to her soon and try to make every day a good day for her. I guess I have been distracted.

My Pandemic World

I am not about to complain about my experience with the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic. I have been lucky. I sit here in my home in West Australia, double vaxxed and healthy, well as healthy as I can be but more on that later. It is easy to be complacent, our government has been tough on those reluctant to be vaccinated and this has caused the predictable back lash in the community. I should specify that it is six percent of the population now in Western Australia that are not vaccinated, and that is fine, it is their choice. My only wish is that they wouldn’t be so aggressive about their position, that they wouldn’t use fake science and hearsay to back up their claims. I trust the science and the empirical evidence that tells me, quite clearly that I have a better chance of surviving COVID when vaccinated.

Our borders are due to open soon, and travelers from around the world will be coming back to Western Australia for whatever reason, and history shows with open borders the virus will run rampant. I want myself and my family to have a fighting chance of getting through this pandemic, isn’t that all any of us want?

Good Reads Challenge

I have registered for a Good reads challenge, and I have committed to reading fifty two books a year! Four books down – follow by reading journey here…. (Insert links to good reads)

Dissolve by Nikki Gemmel

With the exceptions of Nikki Gemmel’s successful television career and award winning novels, I could have been reading my life story. The names and places are different but the emotions are all there. if you are a women, writing or following some other creative pursuit, read this book.

Writing Goals for 2022

I am sharing my writing goals here to help me to stay accountable. I can’t remember who it was that said ‘No one cares if you don’t write,’ and that is true. People are if you don’t shower, make dinner and wash dishes, but not one other person in my household at least cares if I don’t get my arse in the chair and write!”

Love Heals the Heart – is the third book in m multi-protagonist series – Shades of Love. This book is currently under going final edits and should be released in March/April.

Theodore Bear Goes to Karate – my first children’s book and a big departure from what I usually write, its a lot of fun and I am learning so much about illustration and writing for children. I plan for this book to be released in July.

Body Peace Writer Retreat – is a book I have been planning for a long time, years. It will combine my yoga, reiki, meditation and aromatherapy knowledge, with everything that I know and have tried about writing and unleashing the muse, in what ever form your inspiration takes. This book will guide you through creating your own retreat, at home and will be filled with tips, exercises, yoga sequences. etc..

I would then like to write a fourth book in my series that follows on from Love Heals the Heart.

I want to write another book, I want to journal more often, to meditate and grow the repertoire of work that I can do. This includes an expansion in the social media marketing that I do to include tik tok… don’t laugh. Well at least not until you follow me here: https://www.tiktok.com/@vanessamckayauthor

Financial Goals 2022

As I type this my books are selling weekly in their ones. I want this change, I want to move my writing from being my number one expense to being a sustainable income that I build on year after year over the next decade. I plan to do that by sticking to all of the above.

Health Goals 2022

I want to resume teaching this year, it is hard in the COVID climate so I am looking at creating classes on Patreon as a way to generate a small income while helping other writers look after their bodies from the safety and security of their own homes. The big upside to Patreon is that students can take the classes whenever it suits them and often as they like so watch this space as I bring this plan to fruition.

Don’t forget to like and subscribe and I will be back with an update and more photos soon. xx

Spring!!

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Not that you would know it but here in Perth we are two weeks into spring. It is thirteen degrees outside, raining and windy. If it wasn’t for the leaves returning to the deciduous trees in our garden it would be easy to miss the recent turn of the seasons. I am trying not to whinge, summer and its hot dry days will be here soon enough. (I popped out at lunch to snap some shots of the garden, and was blessed with blue skies)

My aim for this month is organisation – I know, try not to laugh out loud. It feels like every year I run the gauntlet of trying this way and that to become more efficient, more productive, more, more, more… The truth is that I end every day exhausted and I never feel like I have done enough work. Then I remind myself, my family is safe, the house is clean, some work got done, and I can wake up and do more tomorrow. When did we become so hard on ourselves? Who ever told us that we have to get it all done, NOW! I am working on a balance of being gentle with myself without slacking off.

YOGA

This month has been cold and my arthritis has been flaring up and cramping down. So my yoga practice has been working on treating every joint in my body to some movement and attention. It helps, particularly around midday when I have been sitting at my desk typing for a couple of hours. A daily practice doesn’t have to be time consuming or even interrupt your day. Here are a few exercises that I try to do several times a day without leaving my desk:

Yoga Journalling

As a writer you probably already have a tonne of journals and balk at me attempting adding another one to the pile. I call this section yoga journalling but you can do it in your everyday notebook, journal, diary, scrap of paper, phone notes – where ever you choose to write. When I began training as a yoga teacher we were told to journal after every class to record the valuable insights and epiphanies we were sure to have, and I soon realised that all my writing belonged in the one place, I do not have the patience for chopping and changing journals according to the pants I am wearing. So I use my stock standard Molskine notebook for everything, including shopping lists – All writing it good writing? It doesn’t have to be fancy or form a starting point for my next novel, it just has to be put down on paper for me to review at sometime in the future.

That said try this small exercise –

The Happiest Man on Earth..

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The Happiest Man on Earth by Eddie Jaku

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


An amazing heart felt story that makes you stop and re-examine your own life. Ask yourself – what do you really have to complain about? From such hardship has grown such an appreciation of life, I fear I am letting Eddie down in those moments when I fail to smile, to notice the little things that create awe in our simple minds. Thanks to Eddie Jaku I stopped to watch the flowers bloom this spring.



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Scheduling…

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Lately it feels like each week I come up with a new way of scheduling my work load to get the most out of my time. The only thing I don’t schedule in is time to re-write my schedule for the coming week. It pays to be flexible and I am curious how others stick to their writing timetables.

As a newly published author I was unprepared for the additional work load that I now have to undertake, the marketing, the email list building, the author platforms and the writing and editing of more books on top of my daydreaming to develop ideas, listening to podcasts, reading craft books. I have a plethora of up coming story ideas each more delicious than, well, anything I have just mentioned.

It is true that we writers need to practice grit and determination, but I ask you how can you maintain writing and working into the abyss with so little feedback and compensation?

I has taken me years to finally convince not only myself, but my family that this is it. I am a writer. Now I am asked appropriate questions by my family such as ‘How is the book going?’

When strangers ask me what I do, I no longer hesitate. I am a writer. It feels both good and a little fraudulent especially when I have to say, ‘No you haven’t heard of me.’ In fact my book Allison is lost at number 898,195 on Amazon (paid in Kindle store). That is fine, my long awaited writing career is a slow burn. I have five more manuscripts written and travelling through the editing, polishing and publishing process. In the meantime I plan to work on content marketing and more writing. Yes it is a leap of faith, but my books are okay, my books will get better and so will I.

Will it always be such a struggle to schedule, to find a way of doing everything that I want to write, read, listen to and watch?

Back in 2018 I was the victim of a hit a run. A truck ran a red light and ploughed through my car. I survived but it left me with ongoing neck and migraine issues, mix that up with arthritis and carpal tunnel and there is a lot going on that makes my job, any job really, difficult. Manageable yes, but when you are in the flow of writing a story, your characters are talking to you, the plot is evolving, working and you can see it all coming together. You missed lunch, your midday meds and finally you have to get up because you can no longer ignore the urge to pee. But now your knee is locked and your hip is stuck, your back hurts, there is no way of getting from your desk to the toilet without pain. Why? because you are an idiot.. (by you I mean me) You ignored scheduled breaks, time limits and self care.

I am not the only one. I hear this so much from the people around me, the non-writers, the tradespeople, the office workers, the business owners, the teachers and the doctors. Why is self care so difficult? Do we expect too much from ourselves, is the world too hungry and eager to have it all now? Are we too keen to please, to keep up? Do we not realise that we are leaving our most valuable commodity behind? No job, no matter how wonderful is worth treating ourselves poorly.

My schedule is simple and I am semi-confident that this is the one that I will stick to. Each day I have designated an hour to working on new material, and then each day I have allocated two hours to work on an area of my business:

MondayTuesdayWedThursdayFridaySat
1hrWrite WriteWriteWriteWriteAdmin
2hrMarketingEditingStudyEditingBloggingAdmin
MoveKarateYogaWalkYogaWalkWalk

The above table is a simplified outline of my current working timetable, I use calendar on my iPhone to set the times and ‘day topics’ and Reminders to make notes on each of my projects. I can add new projects to my to do lists here as they come to mind across the board. Now I am not wasting time going through my notes worried that I forgot something and all my information is on hand. Overall it has been a productive week with limited mobility issues.

The table above doesn’t show my scheduled breaks, I set my timer for 30 minutes and get up and move around, even if it just to do the laundry or vacuum and make a cup of tea, it keeps me moving and working.

Thank you for reading, I am now going to take this beautiful lady for a walk.

Healthy Happy Writing!

What is Reiki?

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I have been asked this question many times from both interested seekers and casual observers. Reiki is difficult to define as you will discover on your own Reiki journey. What it is to you and what it is to me may be two different things with the exception that we will both be aware of the fact that Reiki is a manifestation of love.


Reiki is Universal life force energy: What does it mean?
Is it a gift of energy from the universe? Perhaps. I do not discount the common rhetoric defining reiki this way I do however challenge its simplistic aloofness. When you give and receive a Reiki treatment with the true intent of healing the wounds of the soul and body you will feel love.
What is Reiki? It is love with the intention of healing.

Your First Yoga Class

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People often ask me if my Yoga Classes are hard? Let me set you at ease, they are not.

My classes are as challenging as you need them to be on any given day.  After you have been practicing for a while  you see that your body will often react differently from one class to the next, even throughout a single class from one side to the other.  When you look close enough, no two poses you do will ever be alike. It is my job to guide you into practicing poses safely and within your limits, it is your job not to let your ego push you past those limits. I design my yoga classes to meet you where you are and you must always remain where your breath is. ( we will discuss this more in class 😉)

Arrival: please try to arrive five-ten minutes before class starts, I will need some information from you before we start and we can talk about your expectations and any concerns that you may have.


What to wear: leggings or loose comfy pants on the bottom.  Please be comfortable, which you won’t be if you are fidgeting around trying to keep your arse covered.  Yoga is not an Instagram fashion parade, it is one place where you must dress for comfort over style.  You may like to bring socks for our meditation at the end of class but we will practice in bare feet for safety. If you are prone to cold feet and are uncomfortable you can buy Yoga Socks with special grips on the soles.

On the top, layers are good to peel off during class if you get too warm and you can reapply for meditation. Best not to wear anything that falls over your head during forward bends.

Please refrain from wearing perfume during class, a clean body and a roll of deodorant is all you need.  Chemical smells are distracting when we practice and may cause headaches and sneezes in your fellow students.

Eating before Class? It is better not to eat within a couple of hours before class, but if you must, enjoy something light such as a piece of fruit and a herbal tea.

What to bring: a mat, a drink bottle, a blanket and a small cushion for your head. If you do not have a mat let me know I always carry a few spares and you are welcome to use one while you are deciding whether or not yoga is right for you.

Savasana Meditation: Don’t leave class during Savasana, our final pose. It is your time to relax, time for your body to reset and adjust to any changes our practice has brought.  I  will often  use a singing bowl and Reiki to set an atmosphere of serenity as I guide you through a meditation while you simply focus on your breath. Leaving at this time is disruptive, if you must go early please ensure it is during our Savasana preparation time.

Okay so with the basics out of the way, trying new things can be scary.  Coming along with a friend helps but that is not always possible and even with a friend your negative internal dialogue can still kick in.   Let me try to put your mind at ease.. no one is looking at you.  Not one person is class is bothered about your size, your tummy, your butt, lack of flexibility, lack of physical stability, if you wobble, shake or even fart!  Yoga is an internal practice.  Throughout class, I encourage you to turn within, to focus on your breath and to draw your attention to what is happening on your mat.  Yoga class is your sacred space, to let go of stresses and worldly worries, Yoga time is all about YOU.

If you have any questions or concerns please do not hesitate to contact me.

Namaste 🙏

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Gaiam Yoga Mat Gaiam Sol Dry-Grip Yoga Mat, available here…

Emotional Buckets

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The acquisition and distribution of emotional resources

Picture your emotional bucket, imagine it there in your left or right hand.  Now imagine that every time you encounter a person you give them something from your bucket.  You give them love, understanding, kindness, wisdom, time, advice, an ear, an emotional touch and so on..

Think of all the gifts you naturally give out into the world.  Every being has come to this earth to serve.  We all have a role, you intuitively know what your role is, and you will intuitively seek out opportunities to fulfill that role.  Our roles may manifest in a profession,  a lifestyle, a hobby  or a community that requires you to give care to others, to be a healer, to be a hero, to be a helper, to be an adviser, to be whatever it is you feel guided to do.

Are you tired, overwhelmed, frustrated or something else you just can’t put your finger on?  Close your eyes again and look inside your bucket? Does it make you feel warm and fuzzy?.  Is it full of gifts of love and kindness you have received from yourself and others?  Or does it make you feel queasy to see the dregs at that bottom resembling the discarded burnt oily castoffs that are cleared from the fryers in a fish and chip shop?

Refilling your bucket is easy, once you master one simple step.  Repeat after me “I deserve to be loved and treat with loving kindness, I choose Love”  I am not talking about greedily taking love from others or  depending on others for depositing loving kindness into your bucket I am talking about you being willing to treat yourself with loving kindness,  it is a universal law that Like attracts Like.  Practice your own loving kindness, and watch the ripple effect that you create across your relationships and across the universe.

All too often the idea of taking care of yourself first feels selfish and indulgent, we have to step, jump and fly over this hurdle.  Remind ourselves that the captain doesn’t say “in case of an emergency put everybody else’s mask on first then if you can manage it take care of yours!” NO he advises us to take care of ourselves first not to hand our husband his mask and fix our children’s masks on first. They will be okay, they got this.  It’s a plastic mask with an elastic strap, let them try at least before putting yourself last.

Loving kindness is a vague concept, so what does it mean? In this context it is simply doing some things for yourself that make you feel good.  Going to bed early, walking the dog, reading a book, taking yourself to a movie, journaling, pursuing that hobby you keep putting aside, finish the study you shelved, take a class, meditate, nourish yourself, take the trip you dreamed of, spend time by yourself, spend time in the company of those that naturally nourish you, be honest and truthful with who you are and what you want from YOUR life.

When you practice loving kindness towards yourself, your bucket will overflow, the universe will shift and finally you will  live the life the universe had intended.

That said, Yes there are times when the needs of our children and loved ones will overtake the needs of ours especially during times of infancy, frailty and ill health.  BUT I have to stress that you still need to take time to do something that nourishes you, that fills your bucket.

The second problem with our bucket that needs to be addressed aside from the lack of refueling  is the distribution of resources.  However this need to serve manifests itself in your life you need to ensure that you do not continually give until you are carrying an empty bucket.  It is never your role to give all that you have, to exhaust yourself emotionally, mentally and physically.

In our lives the first circle of hands in our bucket belong to our immediate family.  Our partners and children need our love, in any number of guises they need our energy,  attention, understanding, time and so on.  Behind our circle stand our extended family waiting to take what they need, then our friends, our work, our community, and our society.  Your list may vary to mine, the order and content may be different, I offer you this example from my own experiences, and with a question – where do the people that matter most in your life stand in your circle?

Think of the people in your life? I immediately think of those closest to me, my husband and my children.  These are the most important people in my life and the ones I give the most to, and yes often to my own detriment.  Like everyone I am a work in progress.

I realise that I am not always doing my best work,  when I am handing out the dregs to those closest to me. What they deserve is the gold,  the shiniest, brightest, jewels I have to offer.  If I had them they would be theirs, with a little reserved for a rainy day.  I am often tired and emotionally drained.  I know that this is the result of me not doing the things that I needed to do to load up my bucket.  It is my own fault and yes I fully take the blame.  My work is great, we run a Karate club which is fulfilling work and reminds me to connect with the world,  I love seeing my husband teach,  I loved training before the crash, and hope to again when the pain stops.  I love teaching Yoga.  Yoga nourishes my body and soul, reminds to connect with the universe, the time on my mat is sacred.  I slid off the writing gig with an painful thud so I am dusting myself off and getting back in there.    Writing nourishes me like nothing on earth, I believe it stops me going mad, bottle-necking my stress and becoming emotionally impotent.

What are your fillers?

What if you have a perfectly adequately filled bucket.   With just enough to get by on but you give it away to the outer circles in your life and those closest to you receive the dregs if anything.  It will often be those close to you that take up the responsibility of providing you with fillers for your bucket or with opportunities to fill your bucket, which you again give out to the wider circle and bring home empty.  It is not uncommon, and often goes unnoticed but it still needs to be addressed.  Fill your bucket with what nourishes you, and share your gifts with those closest to you first.  It will create a ripple effect across your circle, love gives love.

My bucket issue is that it feels temporarily empty and I know that recognizing that puts me firmly on my way to fixing it.

Sending Love.

Meditating with Mala Beads

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beaded mediation

Mala (Sanskrit for meditation garland) beads have been used as both a prayer and meditation tool for thousands of years.  Traditionally Mala beads consist on 108 wooden beads plus one guru bead that  signifies that you have come full circle, it is added in addition to the 108 beads and is often different in shape or colour and decorated with the knot of the necklace often ending in the shape of a lotus.

Mala beads are used for Japa meditation, that is a meditation practice that uses each bead to count the repetition of a mantra.  This practice involves:

  • taking hold of the beads in your hands in front of you beginning with the first bead to the right of the guru bead.
  • inhale, exhale repeating your mantra out loud or silently in your mind.
  • move to the next bead and repeat
  • when you reach the guru bead, pause and reflect on your practice, if you wish to continue trace the beads back the way you came, inhaling, exhaling and repeating your mantra at every bead.

Today in class we took our mantras from Louise Hays affirmation cards. We choose our cards by shuffling the deck, and cutting the pack in two, taking the card we are immediately directed to, no matter how challenging the advice may be.

My card for today is pictured above and reads:

As I forgive myself, it becomes easier to forgive others.

This resonated deeply with me today as we are going through some, let us say personality struggles with a particular person that is distantly related to our karate business. It is easy to take offense to the actions and words of another person, to let their actions well up on you.  But to what end? Buddha said:

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die

Diseases brought on by stress will manifest within us when we hold onto anger, hurt, and regret, what do we gain by holding onto this negativity?  When faced with an opponent you cannot win over, not because they are better than you, not because they are right and you are wrong (nothing is ever that black and white) but because they refuse to accept you, simple.  Another person within our association refuses to accept me, and because it literally bears no consequence on who I am and how I behave there is no point being upset or angry, or of choking on my own poison.  Instead I will practice forgiveness, whilst staying within the boundaries of my own security. More so I will forgive myself for all those things we deserve to be forgiven for, not working hard enough, loosing direction, self doubt, eating cake, not walking long enough, buying new books when I have a stack to read, not getting enough sleep and so on.

The primary word on the card is forgive, my mantra is “I Forgive”.  Take the beads in both hands, start with the bead left of the guru bead, hold the first bead between your thumb and forefinger  and inhale, as you exhale repeat your mantra, take hold of the next bead and repeat working your way around the mala until you return to the guru bead.  Take a few moments to reflect on your practice.  If it helps, wear your mala bracelet on your right hand to remind you throughout the day of your good intention.

Namaste`

 

Buy your own beautiful Fair Trade Rosewood Mala Beads here..

Mala Beads

 

Louise L Hay
Power Thought Cards

Powerful Thought Cards

A Deck of 64 Affirmation Cards to Help You Find Your Inner Strength. Packaged in a beautiful gift box, this deck of 64 cards contains 128 unique pieces of art exquisitely illustrated by five artists. Each vibrant card contains a powerful affirmation on one side and a visualization on the other to enlighten, inspire, and bring joy to your life.

Get your cards here..

 

I can do it cards
Louise Hay, I Can Do It Cards,

Louise L. Hay, the internationally renowned author of You Can Heal Your Life, brings you 60 affirmation cards on a variety of subjects, including romance, wealth, health, forgiveness, creativity, stress, job success, and self-esteem. Post these cards in your home, workplace, car . . . or give them to friends and family. They’re sure to give you an enhanced sense of joy, power, and contentment!

Get your cards here…

Leaning In…

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I have been doing a lot of research for my next writing project during lock down.  The phrase ‘lean in’ has come up surprisingly often.

The message I am receiving from the universe is clearly to ‘lean in‘. Accept the good, the bad and the downright painful.  Take the disappointments and breathe.  How does it feel, and what changes when we move into into pain?

We are not meant to swallow emotional pain, to choke it into the backs of our throat and pretend it is not there.  We are not equipped to ignore ongoing emotional pain.  It will sneak up on us in the middle of the night, it will keep us waking, tossing and turning and praying uselessly for the oblivion of sleep. Emotional pain will close our muscles tight to our frame, numb our nerves, tighten our chest, our jaw, our temples.  Stomach juices will churn, appetites will shift in extremes and our concentration will vanish. There are too many manifestations of emotional stress on the human body to mention here.

Naturally we want to push the painful thing aside, rub our wounds and search for why it happened.  Time and time again we will take the blame upon ourselves.  A friend could comment that we look tired, and we will think it is because you have not put yourself to together enough, you are wearing the wrong clothes, you are too fat, too old and too past it.  A lover may be unfaithful to you and instantly you think that it was because you were lacking, you are not enough and you failed to satisfy him/her.  A parent may have neglected you and so you tell yourself that it was because you were unlovable.  I call this surface blame, and I have wasted a lot of time trying to fix myself up as a result of the behavior of others.

Emotional pain takes time to fester, we need to sit with it and lean on it to get through.  It requires faith to get us through to the other side.  On the way there you will beat the brow of insecurity, fear and self-betrayal.  You may never forgive the people that drove you there, but you can come out of the other side a stronger and more resilient manifestation of you. But only if you do the work and lean in, take a deep breath and dive through the pain.

When I was a child I use to climb on the roof of our stilted house and hide from the world.  I could hear the busyness in the house below and the traffic running along the main road we lived on.  I could also see the down through the tops of the trees and into our neighbours manicured yards.

One day I was sure I could reach down and pick a red hibiscus flower from the tree that grew next to the house.  I was sitting crossed legged and reached forward down past the gutter towards the flower.  I stretched my arm, leaned forwards and reached in with my whole body.  The flower was much further than I anticipated, it didn’t matter how far I stretched myself, or how hard I tried in that moment to be more than I was there wasn’t enough of me. I tumbled forwards and landed heavily on the paved concrete path below. My foot caught in the guttering and pulled it down. The crash of the gutter caused my dad to come outside.  This was back in the seventies before everyone knew first aid. I was winded. He picked up and held me, rubbing my back, encouraging my lungs to breathe.  I was left with some bruising and scratches but nothing serious.

That fall, that tumbling, that feeling of having all my breath my prana literally knocked out of me, is what my emotional pain feels like and why it is so hard to lean into it.  Self preservation kicks in – “everything will be alright if only I…”

  • Be quiet
  • Try harder
  • Apologise
  • Agree
  • Make a promise
  • Pretend to understand
  • Whatever else it may take for peace…

How often do we fall, hit hard, loose our breath and dust ourselves off as if the blow didn’t strike home? We ignore the pain, we are only human and will do whatever we can, to make it go away.  However, the answer is to lean into it. Imagine stepping into a cold ocean.  Inch yourself into it. Through the waves that will shock you, the rocks and shells beneath the water sticking into your sinking feet, and the something that slimes past your leg that your eyes didn’t catch. You have to keep your wits about you. There are actual sharks in the ocean, real dangers and things that will bite you. There is also beauty, calm and reassurance in the reliability of the ebb and the flow of the ocean, the cool water on your skin, the salt air in your nostrils.

Beach

You don’t have to lean in by yourself, seek help.  Find a counsellor, use a journal, draw, write, practice meditation and yoga.  Take steps to take care of yourself.  On days where it all seems too difficult to explore do simple things, take a shower, sort a drawer, cook a meal from scratch, go out for a meal, sleep, watch a movie, walk the dog or stroke the cat.  What ever it takes to remind you of a simple pleasure in life.

There are no quick fixes. It is only when you begin to breathe again that you can let go, move forward and keep going.  Yes, like it or not you have to lean into the pain to find out what is on the other side of it.  Changing yourself will not make a person faithful, a parent love you or a friend like your freaky taste in clothing.  Leaning in to pain will help you to become more authentic, to trust in yourself and your decisions, to learn that you are enough.

“Let yourself be seen. Love with your whole heart. Practice gratitude. Lean into joy. Believe you are enough” Brene Brown.

Practical help is always available:

Yoga – find a teacher, look out for my online classes coming soon, contact me, reach out, leave a comment below.

Listen to music

Journal

Pray, meditate, practice heart yoga.

Counselling – start here at https://www.beyondblue.org.au 

Overall, practice loving kindness to yourself.

Namaste xx

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