I am not going to whinge and whine in 2023 but…

At some point in your life you have to take a long hard look at yourself. That point for me is now. I am sorry if I am not making any sense but I am too busy trying to be so many different things that I am not being the one thing that I most need to be… ME.

No surprise there, I know that I am not the only one. I would ask you to leave a comment down below if you can feel me, if you get what I am saying, if you know where I am coming from but the truth is that if you know any of those things then you won’t leave a comment. You may nod your head knowingly but you will then scroll along with your life.

I get it. I can’t touch you. I don’t touch you because I don’t even touch myself. (I don’t mean in the biblical sense) I mean touch my heart, smell the air, the flowers, sniff the salt of the sea, none of it. I barely have time these days to walk my poor old dog, never mind spend any quality time with those around me, not even me.

As I do every year I set out to improve myself. Last year I did. I created a new business, I worked at a wages job earning a regular income while I stayed up late at night working on what I call our future finances. Last year I wrote a new book during NaNoWriMo, I published a new book and some other stuff..

I didn’t start eating properly, exercising regular, sticking to a regular yoga practise, using my aromatherapy oils daily, my crystals or my tarot and do not even get me started on my much attention I didn’t give at all to Reiki! Fuck all of that shit I am too busy!!! I have to make plans, work schedules, family schedules, cook and clean the house, care for the dogs, go to work, pay the bills, create, create, create. I have to prove myself, be the best at my game. I have to know everything. I have to read blogs, books, listen to podcasts and more books, take courses and watch everything. I am fifty two and I have fallen behind.

I don’t have time for counting calories, carbs, nutrients, exercises and reps, I no longer namaste, my soul does not soar, my feet are not grounded, I don’t feel supported my mother earth and father sky has long left the building. I cannot remember the last time I went to bed at the same time as my husband, well a time that we went to bed together when I wasn’t so tired that my lights were out the second my head hit the pillow.

Honestly I cannot think about my relationships with others right now. I don’t have the energy to heal the rifts that have come between me and those around me for no other reason other than my constant state of busyness. I have to give to me now. My cup, my bucket, myself is empty.

Don’t get me started on menopause, my older aunt is here now with a vengeance and sometimes I just want everyone to shut the fuck up.

My blog, in case you forgot the title, is Body Peace Writer. It is what I once strived to achieve. Before I was in a car accident, before my heart was broken and before the pandemic. I wanted to merge my life as an alternate therapist, yoga teacher and writer. I wanted to live one big happy namaste, eight limbed, rakeed up, crystal cleansing, essential oil lathered writer.

I was so sure that 2022 was going to be my year. You know to get my shit together. But I developed a hip issue, it has a fancy ‘itis’ word attached to it but I am pretty sure it is because I am overweight and sit on arse all day. I am a writer. What else am I going to do when I am not at my day job? I sit and snack while I work to keep myself awake. Then when it is finally time to sleep, I can’t. I take a pill, then it is hard to wake up- you know the cycle if you have read this far.

Currently I am on – hormone replacement therapy, anti-inflammatory, norgesics; analgesics; antihistamines; metformin and anti anxiety meds. Most of which started after the car accident. Most of which I suspect I wouldn’t need if I lived my true existence.

There is no perfect scenario where I am going to fix myself. I can’t runaway to a health farm or retreat in a cave in the mountains of Nepal. I have a life to live here, I have responsibilities here and work to get done away from my wages job. I have to find a way of integrating all that I want with all that I can do. There are only so many hours in a day and I have to use some of them for being a better friend to me.

Of course you and I both know that I would have never started writing this post if I had not already started on a plan. I have to squeeze some good shit into my everyday. I have found a healer, yoga teacher, mentor. I have had two sessions with her and a couple of weeks dotted with some decent crying times. The first week she sent me home with crystals, the next aromatherapy blends all designed to heal my heart and send the negativity away. Next week she is giving me an energy healing and I start weekly yoga classes with her on Wednesday. So its a start. It is a push in the right direction. I am not looking to push bad things out of my life, I am aiming to bring more of the good things in. I am searching for a balance I can live with.

I love a chai latte with a bar of white chocolate on the side, perfectly cooked salted potato chips in a buttery roll, chocolate at room temperature and cheese boards, and none of these things will be left behind any time soon.

Namaste beautiful writers, it all starts with the little things. Wish me luck!

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Writing Begins with the Breath..

Writing Begins with the Breath by Laraine Herring.

I have just been introduced to Laraine Herring and her wonderful book on writing, ‘Writing Begins with the Breath‘.   It is one of my new go to books for blending body health with the practice of writing.  Her authentic style and mastery of the topic comes across on every page.  It is a lovely read, and left me feeling better for having taking it in.

“Writing Begins with the Breath will open up a whole world of creativity for people who may not have considered themselves writers before, while also providing keen insights into the craft for seasoned writers.”

I have put my highlighted, sticky noted, pencil drawn copy next to Stephen King’s On Writing, and Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic on my desk.   Laraine Herring took me on a journey that will deepen my prose and allow me to move further into each story I tell.

I will read it again soon, like a treasured classic I will take pleasure in absorbing myself in her wisdom again.

Thank you Laraine.

Writing Begins with the Breath

Laraine Herring Website.

How to avoid writing…

Having one of those days?  You have to write, you have targets to meet but everything that comes out is just blah.. forcing it is like painting a fence in the rain.  But everything you know and have been told about writing is running on train carriages through your head:

you can’t edit a blank page

writing is hard work

it is better to write a 1000 bad words than nothing at all

and so on…..

The Cambridge dictionary defines Procrastination as: “The act of delaying something that must be done, often because it is unpleasant or boring.”

I am not bored, I am willing to work hard but sometimes my brain feels fried, my writing bucket is empty and I have to leave it alone for a minute and find something else to do. I resist, I have my work cut out for my, a schedule on the board and a self imposed deadline.

I have written my 1000 words of crap today and I am done.  I am not waiting for the muse, I am waiting for the kettle to boil.  I have also done my ‘pages’. My crap is written for the day.  I have tried editing my WIP, but there is a glitch in the story that I am not up to fixing today so I have set about finding things I can do to avoid writing today:

  1.  Clean the oven – this is an old favourite of mine.  I can highly recommend Selley’s oven cleaner it is cheap, very toxic and quick to get your bake-house shining.
  2. Walk the dog.
  3. Take pictures of the dog and post her photos on Instagram.
  4. Clean your desk, take care of those niggly little things that you promised to get to later: school notes, bill payments, hotel bookings, twitter.
  5. Clean out your drawers – all of them.  Kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, office, kids rooms…
  6. Weed the garden.
  7. Plant a new garden, will involve a trip to the nursery so research plants and make a list.  May need ice-cream.
  8. Buy some books.  About anything, but maybe at least one about writing.
    • I see an opportunity here to re-arrange bookshelf to accommodate new books, maybe should wait until they are delivered?  or not?
  9. Sign up for an online course, about anything. Could be about writing though, it all helps?
  10. Plan an elaborate dinner even though no one will be home to enjoy it because it is a karate night and you will all  be eating subway for tea.
  11. Read something.
  12. Watch something.
  13. Listen to something, a podcast, an audible book?
  14. Take the dog for another walk if she comes out of hiding.
  15. Make dog an appointment to see the vet for a check up due to her hiding from walkies.
  16. Still have to check Facebook!  lets see what all our wonderful ‘friends‘ are achieving with their clever, ‘I am so good I am a writer skills!’
  17. Pluck your eyebrows while telling yourself that you are a good writer, you are just having a bad day.
  18. Put on something lovely but comfortable and take yourself out for lunch.  Pull out the note book you keep in your bag, that pen you got for your birthday, order your favourite meal, and breath while flicking through one of their old magazines,  it will give you something to focus on while you eavesdrop on the couple at the next table.
  19. Write up a new schedule for getting work done.  Laminate it.  Everything looks better when laminated.
  20. Take a nap.
  21. Read a blog?

Why We Write…

Why do we want to write?  Maybe you don’t want to write and I am an arse for making an assumption.  I am currently editing my first novel, Allison.  Due for release in December 2019.  It is a love and suspense story with the necessary love, heartbreak, romance, raging psychopath combo.

Nanowrimo, is making its way around again. I have a new story burbling away waiting to be unleashed.  It will be my third run and nano and as impractical as it may be to commit this time, I simply have to.

Allison was my first and I think it is about time I let her out of the drawer, polish her up and set her free to make way for a new adventure           

“The Road to hell is paved with works in progress.” Philip Roth

type writer

George Orwell said “Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout of some painful illness.  One would never undertake such a thing if one were not driven on by some demon whom one can neither resist nor understand.”

While I don’t think of writing as a painful illness, it is certainly an addiction.  I often think that I will be driven mad if I fail to squeeze out the opportunities to write around the edges of my day.  My days are busy, but so is  my mind.  What a failed life I will live if I do not write the stories I have inside, the ones to come and to one day dust off the ones forgotten.  Nanowrimo ensures that I take time to write, to meet the challenge, to expel the story.

The true discipline for me is what comes after, the slow seemingly unending process of editing.  I am giving myself four weeks to complete a comprehensive line edit on Allison before sending her off to an editor, while I kick on with Nano.

I am looking forward to Nano, to finding out about my characters, listening to them and seeing their lives, however briefly, take flight across the white screen.  The joy of watching my story unfold makes it all worth while.

Wish me luck!

Scheduling Your Day for Writing… Simply.

Preparing:

Don’t try to remove obstacles- they will never be gone.

Do it first- even before you get dressed if possible.

Before the housework is finished. Take a leaf out of Sarah Millican’s book and just put the staff to work (dishwasher washing machine dryer) then ignore the housework.

Put your phone on ’do not disturb’ – Joanna penn has hers on do not disturb (me too but now and feels okay, friends have learned not to call me).

Make yourself a cuppa and write 45 mins and take a break, then do it again and again and again until you are done 🙂